Subject: FW: Urban Landscape
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What
in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the
dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect,
no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,
withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting
blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I
expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green
rectangles.ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The
Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great
lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It
doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms.
It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
that grass growing there?ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains
to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass
and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass
grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a
little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and
put it in bags.GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell
it?ST. FRANCIS: No, sir-just the opposite. They pay to throw
it away.GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass
so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it
away?ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when
we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the
growth and saves them a lot of work.ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When
the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to
water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees.
That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow
leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn
they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the
soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form
compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites
have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into
great piles and pay to have them hauled away.GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree
roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out
and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it
around in place of the leaves.GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make
the mulch.GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.>
Cathy, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
tonight?ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a real stupid
movie about...GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from
Francis.--
"You can recognize truth by its beauty and simplicity.
When you get it right, it is obvious that it is right - at least if you
have any experience...."