Subject: to people who forward email to 10 friends !!!!!
Hello, my name is David Payne.
I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases,
poor scores on final exams,
extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal
electrocution, and guilt for not
forwarding out 50
billion f*king chain
letters sent to me by people who
actually believe that if you send them on,
then that poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas
with a
breast on her forehead will be able to raise
enough money to
have it removed before her redneck
parents sell her off to the traveling freak
show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates
is going to give you and
everyone you send "his" email to $1000?
How stupid are you? Oh wait, maybe
that trip to Disneyland is true, yeah,
shove Mickey Mouse up your ass and
jump off a tall building and then you'll
get to Disneyland.
"Oooh,
looky here!
If
I
scroll
down
this
page
and
make
a
wish,
I'll
get
laid
by
every
Playboy
model
in
the
magazine!"
What a bunch of bullsh*t. So basically,
this message is a big F*K YOU
to all the people out there who have
nothing better to do than to send me
stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns
will come into my apartment and
sodomize me in my sleep for not
continuing the chain which was started by
Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this
country by midget pilgrims on the
Mayflower and if it makes it to the year
2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book
of World Records for longest continuous
streak of blatant stupidity. F*k them.
If you're going to forward something, at
least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this
to 50 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human
being will somehow receive a nickel
from some omniscient being" forwards
about 90 times.
I don't f*king care.
Show a little intelligence and think
about what you're actually contributing
to by sending out forwards. Chances are
it's your own unpopularity.
THE BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, you'll never have that much $$!
Wish something else!!!
Yeah, and you think you're good looking
enough to get in bed with that?
Right.
STOP!!!! Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's
what I'll do.
First of all, if you
don't send this to 5,096 people in the
next 5 seconds, you will be raped by
a mad goat and thrown off a high
building into a pile of manure.
It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't
like all of those fake ones, THIS one
is TRUE!! Really!!!Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will
be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people
will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people
will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter, and may form
a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people
will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and
will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this
letter. You see, there is a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen
who has no arms, no legs, no parents,
and no belly button. This little boy's
life could be saved, because for
every time you pass this on, a dollar
will be donated to the Little Starving
Legless Armless Bellybuttonless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no
way of counting the e-mails sent and
this is all a complete load of bullsh*t.
So go on, reach out. Send this to
5 people in the next 47 seconds.
Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally
send this to 4 or 6 people, you
will die instantly. Thanks again!!
The point being? If you get some chain
letter that's threatening to leave
you shagless or luckless for the rest of
your life, delete it. If it's funny, send
it on.
Don't piss people off by making
them feel guilty about
a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's
been tied to dead elephant for 27
years, whose only savior is the 5 cents
per letter he'll receive if you
forward this mail.
Now forward this to everyone you know.
Otherwise, tomorrow morning your
underwear will turn carnivorous and will
consume your genitals. >>
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