Finally a Barbie I can relate to! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie
 dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more
 realistic...

 1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames
 in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of
 Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

 2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn
 beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with
 hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

 3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers
 grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

 4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,
 roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front,too-muumuus with
 tummy-support panels are included.

 5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely
 taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
 pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

 6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines
 with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
 age-blasting cosmetics.

 7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really
 paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs
 and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled
 with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

 8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,
 and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along
 with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the
 Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

 9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car,
 and Ken's boat.

 10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the
 ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps.
 Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy
 of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

 11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes,
 forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of
 Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels.
 Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In
 Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.